Even When It Hurts

“You are my God; have mercy on me, Lord, for I call to you all day long. Bring joy to your servant, Lord, for I put my trust in you.” – Psalm 86:3-4

Some of the most powerful passages in the Bible, the ones that speak volumes in the fewest sentences, are the Psalms. Why? Because they are real stories about life. They are incredibly emotionally-charged, and they speak to our human nature. They are songs written as an outcry to God, asking for forgiveness, for salvation, and in a few instances, for a reprieve from the Psalmist’s anguish.

Anguish is a complicated emotion and one that until recently I had never experienced. Anguish is a deep-seated, humbling, devastating, overwhelming suffering. It’s an emotion that settles into your being, it engulfs you, angers you, crushes you, it injures your spirit. Anguish is so much more than sadness because it consumes you, it forever changes you and it can cripple you. To be in anguish means to be constantly tormented and tortured by the circumstances of your life.

I know anguish because I must sit and watch as Hazel marches forward in this horrific, painful journey toward healing. I suffer because Hazel suffers and I will forever be tormented by the images of what she has had to experience during her battle. But tonight, as most nights, I calm my heart and let the tears stream down my cheeks as I listen to a song that has become my anthem, my life ballad, my ψαλμοί psalmoi.

Even When It Hurts is a song written by Joel Houston and performed by Hillsong United. The words of the song are powerful, but the performance is what charges me. Taya Smith portrays through her voice and actions all the convoluted feelings that are conjured up by anguish. Sometimes you whisper because you are beaten, sometimes you scream in sheer frustration, and sometimes you barely breathe because you are in awe of the magnitude of our God and Creator.

Lord, I have lifted so many prayers. Prayers of grief, of sorrow, of anguish. I have begged and pleaded, imploring for you to take this burden from me, from us, from her. I have screamed in frustration, I have wept, I have fallen headlong at your feet. Through my prayers, your answer has been gentle, but strong. I hear it, I may not understand it, but I will honor it.

Lord I pray that today, tomorrow, and forever, even when it hurts, I will continue to praise You.

Below are the lyrics to the song and video is linked above.

Even When It Hurts

Take this fainted heart

Take these tainted hands

Wash me in your love

Come like grace again

Even when my strength is lost

I'll praise you

Even when I have no song

I'll praise you

Even when it's hard to find the words

Louder then I'll sing your praise

I will only sing your praise

Take this mountain weight

Take these ocean tears

Hold me through the trial

Come like hope again

Even when the fight seems lost

I'll praise you

Even when it hurts like hell

I'll praise you

Even when it makes no sense to sing

Louder then I'll sing your praise

I will only sing your praise

And my heart burns only for you

You are all you are all I want

And my soul waits only for you

And I will sing till the morning has come

Lord my heart burns only for you

You are all you are all I want

And my soul waits only for you

And I will sing till the miracle comes

I will only sing your praise

Even when the morning comes

I'll praise you

Even when the fight is won

I'll praise you

Even when my time on earth is done

Louder then I'll sing your praise

I will only sing your praise