The Tribe

Eight months ago I started a new job. During the onboarding process with our HR Administrator I was given a questionnaire of some basic information about me and my background that could then be circulated to the other employees in the company to get to know me a bit better. One of the questions was “What is your greatest accomplishment to date?”

I know that for the most part this was a career-based question designed to help others understand my personality and work demeanor, however when I thought for a moment about the true mechanics of the question, I realized my greatest accomplishment was not work related at all. I define accomplishment as a success that changes your life and the life of others in some meaningful, positive way. I have never measured my success by my bank account, the size of my home, or what car I drive because I know that these things are material and often in our society do not define the true measures of a man’s integrity and character.

I am reminded of my greatest accomplishment every day because it still surrounds and consumes me. I answered the questionnaire with two simple words, “My family.” Later on when I saw my HR Administrator she told me that was the best answer to that question she had ever seen. My reply was simple, a shrug of the shoulders and a simple “They are why I do what I do, every day.”

I have a loving wife and four wonderful kids that drive my actions every single second of every day. Everything I do is to make life a little better for the tight little family unit that my wife and I have created.

People that know us call us a tribe and I would like to think that this is not solely related to our somewhat astounding numbers. Rather I hope it is based on our attitude toward one another. We live and breathe one another. My house might as well be a single room, because we rarely are ever apart while we are there. We eat together, sleep together, and live life…together. My kids share a connection with my wife and I and one another that is so deep, so spiritual in nature that the word “love” does not describe it sufficiently. Our souls are connected as one, a conglomerate of caring, compassion, and unyielding faith in the whole.

It is love at its most powerful and it is the truest expression of agape that I am sure to ever witness on this earth. Paolo Coelho said, “Agape is total love, the love that devours those that experience it. Whoever knows and experiences Agape sees that nothing else in this world is of any importance, only loving.” I believe that God gave me the family I have so that I could learn to understand his love, agape love, a little better. One time when I was younger I remember my dad telling me that he would do anything for me, give up life and limb so that I could live a better life, no matter what it meant for him. Until I was a husband and a father, I never truly understood what he meant.

My family is in the struggle of its life right now. One of ours is hurting and we can’t make it stop on our own. Elizabeth and I have cried until we can’t cry anymore for Hazel, but the pain starts anew when we see our other children grapple with the realities of Hazel’s illness. Each of our three eldest deal with it in their own way, but there is no doubt that their hearts hurt for her. After four days of successful chemo treatments, we brought the other three kids to Columbus to be with us as a way to help our family begin the healing process together. Much of our time has been spent roaming the halls as a gaggle of six, following around this tiny red headed person wearing a mask and pulling along an IV pump. We visit the toy room and play for hours, watch movies, and simply just “be” together. Our oldest says it’s not the same and he is right, it’s not, but it’s what we’ve got right now. We all know Hazel is the same fireball we had before, but she seems so much more fragile as she toddles around in her miniature hospital gown. Thankfully, her personality remains intact as she says please and thank you to the nurses when we get the play room key, sings along to her favorite movies, and sticks her tongue out at me just to get a reaction.

My wife and I used to tease with friends, saying “Lifing is hard today,” but we had no clue how truly tough life can be at times. Struggles prior to Hazel’s diagnosis seem pretty insignificant now and each day brings a new set of difficulties that we did not anticipate the day before. But we are figuring it out. Our family is slowly putting the pieces together and creating our new normal. We are strongest when we are together, living and loving as one. The Miller Tribe moves on and remains strong.

“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. - 1 Corinthians 13:7-8